Everybody MUST get STONED....

Is Beauty Wonkette celebrating the 40th anniversary of Woodstock? Nahhhhhhh..... This is about getting a spa-worthy massage for $25!

Regular massages fight colds, PMS and the blues--plus they feel blissful, to boot. But who has the time (and cash) to see a masseuse every week?

So when Beauty Wonkette stumbled on JimmyJane's Contour M ceramic massage stone, our tense shoulders and stiff neck practically yelped at the chance to get some much-kneaded attention. Use these tricks and you'll be addicted, too:

Rub the right way.
The domed side of the stone serves as an all-over muscle relaxer; the flip side features four small nodes that go deep into muscle tissue to iron out serious kinks.

Turn up the heat.
Dunk the stone in a bowl of hot water for a soothing rubdown. Just add a drizzle of your favorite massage oil and you'll turn your tight muscles to jelly.

Take a chill pill.
One morning, our A/C wasn't working fast enough, so we stuck the stone in the fridge for a few minutes. Rubbing the cool ceramic on our overheated neck and shoulder muscles jolted us awake.

Beauty Wonkette is sure your guy would like to get stoned too! Hell, it wouldn't hurt your mom and dad to get stoned either. :D

Body beautiful....

In Beauty Wonkette's perfect world, we all would (and COULD) be spending copious amounts of time and money on spa treatments every week. Alas, that may not be feasible for everyone (errrr ANYONE), so Beauty Wonkette urges you to take time out for yourself, even if only once in a while. If it’s in your budget, do what BW recently did, and go for a full-body overhaul, like the African Red Tea Body Cocktail purifying treatment at a Ole Henriksen spa. It will exfoliate and allow your skin to detox while someone rubs you down (moannnn). If you can’t splurge for the on-site real deal, fork over some dough for an at-home DIY version. The African Red Tea Body Collection ($65; www.sephora.com), which includes a body scrub, mask, and soufflé, nourishes your skin from head to toe. The rejuvenating powers of African Red Tea are Ole's secret to beautiful skin thanks to the tea's skin-strengthening minerals and free-radical-fighting antioxidants that help slow down the signs of aging. Beauty Wonkette's verdict: most definitely worth the time spent.

BARGAIN OF THE WEEK: Bird poop facials only $50 !

Reservations just opened up for New York Spa Week, which will be held this year from April 13 to April 19. Spotted on the list of specials: The Geisha Facial at Shizuka New York Day Spa — a.k.a. the Bird-Poop Facial. With this 60-minute treatment, the spa uses sanitized nightingale droppings to re-texturize the skin. Originally priced at $180, the price plummets to $50 during Spa Week. Yes, isn't it about time they opened up the luxury of spreading poo on your face to the common folk? Like you're not getting crapped on enough already....ahem.

Lest you think Beauty Wonkette is suffering a Friday meltdown, we bring you this from Shizuka Spa's site:

Frequently Asked Questions:

Why Bird Droppings?

Shizuka remembered hearing about uguisu no fun (that's BIRD POOP btw) from her mother while growing up in Tokyo. Japanese women have always prized pale, porcelain complexions and Shizuka's mother always stressed proper skincare and limiting sun exposure. When Shizuka was researching new and interesting facial skin care ingredients, she thought back to her childhood and her mother's story about how geisha used nightingale droppings to keep their skin clear and pale.

Is uguisu no fun safe/sanitary to use on my face?

Yes, the uguisu no fun used at Shizuka New York Day Spa is professionally sanitized under UV light and powdered before being applied to the face.

Does the bird poop facial mask smell?

Although the uguisu no fun has a slight (define slight pleez ! ) musky aroma on its own, Shizuka's special mask formulation neutralizes this aroma, leaving a mild "organic" smell from the rice bran.

$180 for bird poop?

The Geisha Facial is a full facial skin care treatment that includes thorough cleansing of the face with Shizuka NY's Skin Care System, pore extraction, light massage and an antioxidant collagen mask in addition to the nightingale droppings mask.

Beauty Wonkette is going to skip this one. BUT, we'd LOVE to hear about it if YOU get "a bird poop facial". Really.