FIRST: coochie cream on your face NOW: nipple cream on your lips

Remember when Beauty Wonkette turned you on to a $7 coochie cream to replace your Smashbox Photo Finish Primer (http://beautywonkette.blogspot.com/2009/02/coochie-cream-on-my-face.html)? Ah thee of little faith scoffed. But then you tried it? If you did, Beauty Wonkette bets you're still a devotee. Well, now that you've gotten used to slathering your face with coochie cream, it's time to perfect your pout with NIPPLE CREAM.

Chapped lips are a common winter plague, especially in colder climates. So, you lick 'em, pick 'em, slather 'em with pricey balms. Still no joy. Just when you were about to forever resign yourself to a cracked, flakey existence, Beauty Wonkette comes to the rescue! We present (drum roll pleez) an unexpected oasis in the form of Lansinoh ointment. Like Beauty Wonkette, you're wary of so-called miracle creams. You've been burned one too many times to let just any old balm into your heart. But trust us – this is the one.

Now before you get upset, let Beauty Wonkette warn you...this product is a little unorthodox. In fact, it may not be the first time it's touched your lips (ummmmm did you mama breatfeed you?)...it's actually meant to ease nipple irritation for breastfeeding mothers. That said, it wipes away any trace of dry skin in a matter of hours and it's made of 100% pure, all-natural lanolin (a waxy substance extracted from sheep's wool). You only need a teeny tiny dab every couple of days, so the 2 oz. bottle (coming in at a whopping $7.99, available at pretty much every drugstore) will last you a lifetime. We recommend applying it at night and then scrubbing dead skin off with a wet cloth the following morning.

Finally, you can say goodbye for good to rough, wrinkled lips and hello to a perfect pout! SMOOCH!

available for $7.99 at drugstore.com

You COULD go bare ;-) orrrr you can try this and save some $$$

Pretty soon, it will be sufficiently warm for Beauty Wonkette to slather her gams with the very best self tanner on the planet(more on this in another post) and go happily bare legged for a few months. Oh the joy of it. No more screaming at the pooch for pawing her legs and ripping, running, DESTROYING her hose. Why, with all the money Beauty Wonkette will save, she can already hear Jimmy Choo calling her name! Yes, Beauty Wonkette knows that hosiery isn't the kind of thing that's meant to last, but buying new pairs really does add up over time. The key to saving on hosiery is extending its life, and Beauty Wonkette has a few great ways you can achieve that.

Start with buying the right type. Steer clear of nylon, and go for pairs that are at least 15 percent Lycra or spandex -- they're the most durable.

Runs are the ultimate enemy when it comes to hosiery. Everyone knows the old clear nail polish trick, but that only keeps existing runs from getting worse. The best way to get the most out of your stockings is to prevent those pesky tears from happening. How do you do that? Try freezing your pantyhose. Beauty Wonkette knows it sounds weird, but it works - so STOP rolling your eyes!

Simply run your new hosiery under the faucet, place in a freezer bag and ... freeze! Freezing actually strengthens the fibers, allowing the material to last more than a couple of wears. After 24 hours, remove the pantyhose from the freezer and let it thaw naturally. With just a little bit of effort, they'll come out stronger.

Now that you know how to prolong the life of your hosiery, you can, in a way, get your damaged stockings to last, too. Instead of throwing them in the trash, donate them to a recycling program like the one No Nonsense has started. Your old pantyhose (of any color or brand) can be reused to make park benches, playground equipment, carpets, ropes and even toys. Talk about making your hosiery last for a lifetime! Hehe....

Drugstore Beauty - The Sequel

Dove Beauty Bar Nourishing Care Shea Butter
Bar soap devotees know that Dove Beauty Bars are the only way to go if you want to gently cleanse your skin. We love the Nourishing Care Shea Cream because it smells delish and is extra-hydrating, so it won't dry out your skin.
$11.99 for eight, available at Drugstore.com.

Eucerin Q10 Anti-Wrinkle Sensitive Skin Creme
The active ingredients in many age-fighters are effective, but they can irritate your skin to no end. This creamy anti-ager has coenzyme Q10 to help firm and vitamin E to protect, but lacks the harsh additives and fragrances that can cause redness and inflammation.
$10.85, available at Soap.com.

Nip + Fab Night Fix Intensive Anti-Aging Gel
This diffusion line of the much-loved U.K. brand Rodial features lots of covetable goodies, but this anti-aging night gel is our fave. It features retinol, rosehip oil, and hyaluronic acid to smooth skin overnight, so you wake up with a radiant, hydrated visage in the a.m.
$17.95, available at Target.

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Mineral Ultra Light Sunscreen Fluid SPF 50
Most natural sunscreens can be greasy or chalky on your skin, but this SPF moisturizer feels more like a veil than a mask. The lightweight fluid uses mineral sun filters to physically block out UV rays, protecting your skin from damage and premature aging. We love that it doesn't leave behind a white film or make your skin feel oily, a problem we've had with many of the sunscreens we've tried in the past.
$32.95, available at Ulta.

Vichy Aqualia AntiOx Anti-Fatigue Ice-Effect Eye Stick
This handy stick is an instant fix for tired, puffy eyes. It's infused with vitamins C and E, and has an immediate cooling effect that perks up your undereye area, minimizing dark circles and eradicating puffiness.
$29.50, available at Vichy

Beauty Wonkette is clearly on a frugalista roll, so stay tuned....

Bargain Bin Diving !

'Tis no secret that here at Beauty Wonkette, we love our fancy lotions and potions. But there are times (usually when we’re a week away from payday, our bank accounts are slim, and we just blew the last of our liquidity on those bee-yoo-tee-ful shoes) that we just can’t see shelling out major $$$ on beauty essentials. The good news? Beauty Wonkette is here to tell you that you don’t have to: There are gads of high-performance, low-cost beautifiers to be found at your local drugstore...if you know where to look. Fortunately, BW does! So, my lovelies, scrounge up the loose change in your sofa cushions and read on. The next few posts will reveal some of the best beauty products that (very little) money can buy ;-)...

Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser
The gold standard of sensitive-skin cleansers, this gentle wash gets rid of dirt, makeup, and oils without stripping your skin. It's also beloved by pretty much every dermatologist on the planet, and who are we to argue with them?
$9.19, available at Drugstore.com.

Clean & Clear Advantage Acne Spot Treatment
Strong enough to zap even the most monstrous of zits, yet gentle enough that it won't cause dryness and flaking, this clear gel features a potent percentage of salicylic acid that obliterates pimples large and small in as little as one day.
$6.99, available at Soap.com.

Weleda Skin Food
Never has a product name been more apt: This all-natural cream has extracts of pansy, chamomile, sweet almond oil, and calendula that "feed" your skin with vital nutrients to keep it looking great. Use it as a day or night cream to restore moisture and elasticity, on your hands and cuticles to cure dryness, on your lips to heal chapped pouts, and even on blemishes to help reduce redness and swelling. It's like the Swiss Army knife of skin care!
$18, available at Weleda.

Klorane Soothing Eye Make-Up Remover With Cornflower Water
Most makeup removers leave behind an annoying, greasy film that can be irritating on the eyes, especially if you wear contacts. This soothing lotion ditches the greasiness in favor of lightweight hydration that gently takes off even the toughest long-wear eyeliner without irritating your eyes. Cornflower extract helps to naturally soothe and reduce puffiness.
$11, available at Drugstore.com.

Smith's Rosebud Salve
This multi-purpose balm is one of the most ubiquitous beauty products out there – we've seen it in the bags of makeup artists, celebrities, editors, and in-the-know It Girls alike. That's because it's unmatched for curing chapped lips and dry skin. Not bad for six bucks!
$6, available at B-Glowing.

Boots No7 Total Renewal Micro-Dermabrasion Exfoliator
This exfoliator uses aluminum-oxide crystals, similar to those used in pro microdermabrasion treatments, to help eliminate dead skin cells, uncovering smoother, more radiant skin. It also helps even out your skin tone and minimize fine lines, with results visible in just four treatments.
$14.99, available at Target.

Running TO the Graveyard!!! MAC ATTACK MAC ATTACK MAC ATTACK !!!

No, my lovelies, Beauty Wonkette did NOT make one of her famous thaipos. She really did mean to type running TO the graveyard. Not to worry - Beauty Wonkette is way too sophisticated to have fallen into a Twilight swoon. Read on...

If you're a MAC fanatic (to be honest, Beauty Wonkette is not, nor was she ever, but everyone else seems to be), you know that the brand has achieved cult status not just for packing a pigment punch and weaving a spellbinding color story, but also for the ability to sell out limited-edition stock within mere hours of a launch.

Pretty cool we suppose...BUT also pretty frustrating if you miss out, eh? MAC giveth and MAC taketh away. Candy Yum-Yum, a fluorescent hot pink lipstick that terrified boyfriends everywhere but made countless chicas feel ridiculously bad-ass, disappeared from shelves so quickly that nobody could get a backup. And Moth Brown eyeshadow — the perfect neutral — is even a staple in Beauty Wonkettes makeup bag (but we're down to the dusty dregs). Evidently, you are not alone in your pleas to bring back your fave limited-edition shades, and fortunately, MAC has heard the cries, the weeping, the wailing, the angry grumbles of their obsessed beautyholic customers.

Their new online exclusive collection, MAC By Request, lets MAC Facebook fans vote among eighteen of their most clamored-for lipsticks, glosses, and eyeshadows until March 30. After that, three winning shades from each category will be brought back from the glamour graveyard. Don't see your favorite in the lineup? They invite you to start your own campaign by tweeting with the hashtag #MACBYREQUEST. The only thing that might urk you about this collection? It's limited edition! MAC sure has you on a short leash, my dear :-)

What limited-edition shade do you want to see back on shelves?

Warm weather updo numero dos!

Lulu Abroad's Flavia was kind enough to share this. Beauty Wonkette loves it. You will too ;-)

Warmer weather calls for an UPDO !

If you've ever spent a summer in NYC, you know that once the weather starts to warm up, you start thinking UPDO! At least, Beauty Wonkette sure does. No biggie, right? WRONG! You see, when Beauty Wonkette's tresses were down to her (rarely worn) bra strap, all manner of updo's were easy peasy. In fact, Beauty Wonkette didn't even need a mirror. But now that Beauty Wonkette is all grown up, she has "medium length" hair and things are no longer so simple.

Well, fortunately, one of my favorite blogging sisters, Lulu Abroad has posted a couple of cute styles for those of us who have gone all professional and stuff. Grin.