Showing posts from April, 2012

High Brow, Low Brow.... EGADS! Sparse brow!!!

When Beauty Wonkette was just a wee wonkette, she feared almost nothing more than the dreaded unibrow.  Indeed, she lived for the day when she'd be allowed to tweeze and shape her eyebrows into the beautiful, graceful arch of her big sister.  But, alas, Mama Beauty Wonkette insisted she wait.  She could not wait for the day to come and, although wee, BW was a willful child. So, one day, she shaved her eyebrows.  OFF.  COMPLETELY.  Wee Beauty Wonkette looked like she had a disease.  So, Mama Beauty Wonkette did what any loving mother would do.  To protect her wee one from ridicule, she gave her bangs.  When Beauty Wonkette was just a wee wonkette, the only thing she hated more than the prospect of a unibrow were BANGS!  Ah well, it was a long time ago.  BW's brows did grow back eventually and the bangs grew out.  Mama BW eventually relented and Beauty Wonkette got the eyebrows she wanted. 

     Although Beauty Wonkette always took excellent care to groom her eyebrows, she …

The Professional Blow Job Has Met It's Match!

The most time-consuming part of Beauty Wonkette's morning routine is drying and styling her hair. It used to take even longer than it does now, mainly because Beauty Wonkette's hair was longer. But, now that BW is all grown up and sporting an awesome long, layered bob, the fact is that she has a sh*tload of hair!!! Moroccan Oil and Wigo's Hot Air Brush have long been staples in BW's arsenal and she relies upon them both for frizz free gorgeous shiny locks. So, when BW's trusty Wigo croaked, she was utterly despondent. The Wigo isn't costly, but seems impossible to find. And, even though Beauty Wonkette keeps a spare in her office, it was clearly time to search for an alternative.

     Enter John Frieda's JFHA5 Hot Air Brush! This thing is nothing short of AWESOME!!! This styler is part blowdryer part round ceramic hairbrush and is probably on steroids. It can produce stunning waves or, if you prefer, straighten your waves, gives incredible shine,…

Want beautiful eyes?

We all know those women who always sport that perfect cosmetic counter clerk eye shadow look. Beauty Wonkette has always kind of hated them. Yeah, yeah - we were all taught how to do it somewhere along the way: Light at the brow, darker in the edge and crease, and a sweep of color that coordinates with your outfit across the lid. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Well, what if you're more of the beauty school dropout type? The simple truth is that an awful lot of women have just never found it easy to replicate the technique. An equal number of women, and Beauty Wonkette is at the very top of THIS list, simply have very limited time, are almost always running late, and rarely have the time, even when dressing for a special night out, to mess around with 3 different shades of eye shadow.

Are you doomed to never do any better than a quick smudge of eyeshadow, a forgiving eyeliner you can smudge, and a hasty brush of mascara? Of course not! You could hit the lottery (or make a sex tape a la Kim …

Bad News: There is whale vomit in your perfume!!!

But, the good news is that it won't be there much longer....

Beauty Wonkette explains: for a very, very long time whale vomit has been a key ingredient in many of the best-smelling, high-end perfumes. Certain fragrances by Chanel, Gucci and Givenchy all contain this vomit. WHAT?!?!?! she screams as she desperately searches for the whale vomit (puke, barf, ????) in the list of ingredients. You won't find it. At least, not by that moniker. You may, however, find that your favorite blend contains "ambergris." WHALE VOMIT. Ewwwww.

Ambergris is a waxy substance formed in the stomach of a sperm whale. It protects the lining of the stomach from sharp "foods," like seashells and large squids, and when indigestion hits, the whale vomits it up.

Even though it smells like crap, literally, when it's secreted, it turns into a sweet-smelling rock that washes up on the beach, slowly over time. Thanks to its new, sexy smell, it ends up in frag…

Super Arch Support !

No no my beauties.... This isn't about your tootsies. It's about your eyebrows. Beauty Wonkette has long appreciated that properly shaped eyebrows can make a huge difference in the overall appearance of the face, and especially of the eyes.

Thanks to a new site, you can get celebrity worth brows at home. You do realize that this means that now, you and Rihanna will have something in common (and it won't be remarkably poor taste in dudes). She, along with TV stars, socialites, Saudi princesses (seriously) and beauty editors all flock to Sania Vucetaj of Sania's Brow Bar in New York for natural-looking, age-erasing arches. But you don't have to fly to Manhattan or spend movie star cash to get perfect brows. Sania recently launched an online Shaping Tool to help you create the best brows for your face, at home. And just as she does with her famous clients, Vucetaj reveals the right way to tweeze, trim and fill in brows. "Thicker, fuller brows make you look ye…