Bye Bye Mushy Muffin Top (AND good riddance to you)

     Almost immediately after Beauty Wonkette and Mr. BW welcomed mini-beauty-wonkette into the world, BW embarked on a rigorous get-back-into-shape routine.  It wasn't hard, really.  The 30 or so lbs gained were pretty easily lost (you see, in addition to being a beauty wonkette, beauty wonkette is also an sort of an uber jock).  BUT, even after the pounds were gone and tone and definition returned to virtually every other muscle, when Beauty Wonkette got back into her favorite jeans, she detected a certain uhhhhhh MUSHINESS .......... EWWWWWWWWWW.  Ah ok - it wasn't all THAT bad, but BW just didn't want it there.  What to do, what to do, what to do???

     A tummy tuck?!?!  Ok, that was dismissed by BW's doc as absurd.  Liposuction?  Again, Dr. Yucky Face said it was a ridiculous proposal.  To be honest, BW was all that hot on either idea herself, but she wanted options.  So she started researching and decided the new Lipomassage by Endermologie might work. Nicole Contos, CEO of NYC's Smooth Synergy Spa, one of the few medispas that has the latest LPG Lipomassage machine, called the Integral, told BW, "It is the only scientifically proven technique, targeting the fat that is resistant to diet and exercise. To date, all our clients who have experienced this technology have been extremely satisfied."

   Here's how the treatment works: You strip down, then slip on a body stocking (think  unitard made out of pantyhose), then the specialist massages your body with the machine's new Ergodrive head, which is equipped with a bunch of motorized rollers that lift up and knead your skin in various different directions. This "mechano-stimluation" of the skin's surface is proven to stimulate a deep biological response to eliminate fat cells, reduce cellulite, firm the skin, improve lymphatic drainage and overall reshape the contours of your body--all without any cutting, sucking, or other unpleasantries. Each treatment costs $150 and takes about 45 minutes.  If someone has a major problem, a total of 20 sessions, followed by a monthly maintenance session is recommended for maximum results.  Since Beauty Wonkette didn't fit in the "major" category, what was recommended was somewhere between 6 and 8 sessions (of which, she was told, she would get 2 per week).

     By my third treatment, BW started to notice visible results. I could see that my stomach skin was more toned, less squishy and didn't have that bloated look. BW was really impressed. Maybe it was a slight body change that only she would notice, but it was enough to make her a believer.  Ab work has always been the least favorite part of BW's workout routine, and though blessed with a smallish waist and a generally lean body, BW never had six pack abs.  She was so pleased with the transformation, she wound up doing a total of 10 sessions. Each week brought a little more tone, and by the end of five weeks, BW has definitely gone down one pant size less than her usual PRE pregnancy size, AND she did it without losing her bootylicious butt (of which both she and Mr. BW are quite fond). BW should point out that she kept up her workout regimen and good eating habits at the same time. In fact, she was told Lipomassage results are actually enhanced when you work out soon after a treatment because it's easier for your body to flush out the toxins and fat. The most challenging part of the whole process was finding the time to fit it into an already busy schedule, but once BW made it to the spa and lied down on the table, she was thrilled to get those 45 minutes of "me" time, and the procedure is actually very relaxing. It really was exactly what Beauty Wonkette needed.  She's happy now :)


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