Get ready for Spring by getting a leg up

Once upon a time, there was a damsel in distress. "My thighs are too dimply," she cried into a mirror. "I would do anything to get rid of my cellulite!" No amount of exercise seemed to help.

Then, one day, her fairy godmother (aka Beauty Wonkette) arrived with a pair of magic pants. "Wear these Farmacell Milk Shorts to bed for at least two weeks," Fairy Godmother Beauty Wonkette said. "The fabric is made from milk proteins, and they're designed to moisturize your skin and smooth the appearance of cellulite while you sleep. And yes, they are supposed to be snug--compression helps trim your thighs."

The damsel was skeptical, but after just five days of testing, she was hooked. (She's still wearing them a month later.) "I noticed firmer, thinner thighs and a more toned butt," she gushed to her fairy godmother. "There's more space than usual between my thighs. They feel like bike shorts and I had no problem sleeping in them. I even wear them during the day, as shapewear under dresses and skirts." The shorts were so powerful, she purchased 3 pair so she would have them always.

They aren't cheap, but then dreams ever are. Still. Snag yourself a pair and live happily ever after. Find them here.

The end

Stressed? Depressed? PMS? Overindulged? Moody?

Chances are that whatever it is that ails you, 21 Drops has an aromatherapy blend to soothe you. After extensive surveys and questionnaires, this company's founders identified 21 everyday woes that seem to plague every one of us at one time or another and came up with an aromatherapy blend to address them.

Beauty Wonkette loves the bright, rubbery, hi-tech packaging that houses each precise concoction of plant extracts AND you can tuck them neatly into even the slimmest makeup bag so you'll have 'em when you need 'em. Lucky Magazine called them LIFE CHANGING! Beauty Wonkette isn't prepared to go that far, BUT she does have a few favorites among the 21:

13 Carry On - Blended from rose flower oil, helichrysum flower oil, sandalwood wood oil, lavender flower oil and frankincense resin oil to help manage loss, ease sorrow and soothe the heart. The oils in this blend help settle the effect of emotional trauma on the nervous system. It’s intended to support the transformation from endings to new beginnings. It heals, encourages, restores and renews. Carry On helps you to persevere. You grieve. You let go. You move forward.


04 Hangover - Blended from juniper fruit oil, geranium leaf oil, lavender flower oil and cardamom seed oil to detox, refresh and revive. The oils in this blend stimulate the lymphatic system to help flush toxins from the body, dispel nausea, and ease water retention. This blend revives, soothes and purifies.

21 Inspire - Blended from cedarwood wood oil, sandalwood wood oil and black pepper dried fruit oil to release blocked energy, increase creativity and inspire action. The oils in this blend are transformative and enlivening. Inspire helps to spark productivity and crystallize vision. You inspire and are inspired. You are the driving force.

06 Passion - Blended from jasmine flower oil, rose flower oil, cardamom seed oil and sandalwood wood oil to help release inhibitions, stimulate affection and ignite passion. This blend is all about promoting playfulness, enthusiasm, exploration and an appetite for life. It is sensual. It is exhilarating.

11 De-stress - Blended from frankincense resin oil, lavender flower oil, ylang ylang flower oil and german chamomile flower oil to steady nerves, relieve tension and reduce stress on the limbic system. The oils in this blend are effective in countering situational irritation and angst. The 21 Drops De-Stress blend helps you to stay cool under fire, encouraging graciousness and diplomacy, balance and decisiveness. You are accepting. You are flexible. You are at ease.

Check them out and find your favorite....

http://www.21drops.com/

It's a TRAP !!!

Eeeeeeek! It's a trap! A spin trap that is. Which is a good trap. Or so I'm told.....

It's all about free radicals. Huh? Unless you're an aging baby boomer who, thanks to Timothy Leary, has been left with synapses that don't quite fire like they should, you do KNOW that free radicals are not hairy people who stick flowers in guns when said guns are pointed at them. Fast forward to 2011 and anyone who has ever slapped moisturizer on their mug knows allllll about free radicals. Free radicals = B A D. Very bad.

Free radicals contribute to skin aging as unstable molecules that damage everything from cell walls to DNA. The good news is that now you can fight free radical damage anywhere you need it. With THIS:

YOUR BEST FACE Skincare (which is a very cool indy skincare line) has put out Antioxidants Concentrate, a new lightweight (VERY concentrated) skincare serum that helps you bring together powerful anti-aging antioxidants with fresh items at home for extremely effective and unique do-it-yourself skincare products.

One of the reasons Beauty Wonkette loves this stuff is that it is extremely versatile. Sure, you can use Antioxidants Concentrate on its own, but if you already have a regimen you aren't inclined to change, you can blend it with your favorite skincare creams, masks and serums to increase their effectiveness. It's really great to add to lotions for your neck, chest, hands, elbows and knees. Antioxidants Concentrate also makes a fantastic addition prior to or after spa services such as LED light treatments.

The stuff is based on 4 key ingredients: ferulic acid, vitamin E, lippchroman-6, and (yes!) SPIN TRAP. Most Beauty Wonkettes know all about ferulic acid and vitamin E. But, let's take a closer look at the other two key ingredients.

If they had a mascot over there at Your Best Face Skincare, it would be spin trap. This unique skin protector is like the superhero of antioxidants. Most antioxidants simply blast away at free radicals thus destroying the molecule in the process. Ahhhh but spin trap stabilizes free radical molecules without destroying them, thereby more effectively preventing damage.

Along with spin trap, Lipochroman-6 is a hallmark antioxidant used in almost every product YBF makes. Lipochroman-6 is a potent protector from two types of free radicals attributed to aging skin and damage: ROS (reactive oxygen species) and RNS (reactive nitrogen species) free radicals.

They also point out that if spin trap is an antioxidant superhero then vitamin E is its trusty sidekick! On it's own, vitamin E does a pretty good job fighting ROS free radicals. We already knew that. But, here's the bonus: it also pairs with many other antioxidants, increasing their effectiveness and recharging antioxidants such as ferulic acid. It is also well suited to naturally protect product freshness.

Now, you probably already know this, but Beauty Wonkette thought it would be just plain mean NOT to give a shout out to the ferulic acid in this quartet. Ferulic acid is a great free radical scavenger of ROS (reactive oxygen species), making it highly protective against UV-induced free radical damage that speeds the appearance of aging. It's found naturally in plants and is a compound that protects plants from UV damage during photosynthesis.

YBF Skincare is a very neat line that is definitely worth checking out. Each formula multi-tasks and is highly concentrated, saving you time and money. And, unlike other skincare lines who really sling the bull and insist that YOU SIMPLY MUST USE THEIR LINE AND ONLY THEIR LINE (god Beauty Wonkette HATES that), YBF's founders tell you that while their products work great on their own, they encourage you to layer them with other favorite products in your arsenal, which Beauty Wonkette thinks is very cool of them.

The Antioxidant Concentrate is $55 and, along with all their other stuff, is available online at the Skincare Shop.

I'll never complain about stress again!!!

Okay, that's a lie. I will. Complain. About stress, enlarged pores, bad hair days, carbohydrate overload, stupid people, crappy skincare products, my boss, Congress, the President.... BUT, after being forced to do NOTHING for a week, and then being on limited duty for two more weeks, your prima Beauty Wonkette is currently craving STRESS! The stress of my "real" job, the stress of my (new, but still a pain in the ass) inlaws, the stress of my crazy family (nah, they're not new), the stress of standing on line behind an idiot at the (fill in your favorite blank)bank, supermarket, Department of Motor Vehicles... ALL of it - ANY OF IT ! BEAUTY WONKETTE WANTS IT ! BRING IT ON BAYY BEEE !

Whew. I'm so glad I got THAT out of my system! If Beauty Wonkette sounds crazy (crazier?), she has good reason. A few weeks back, Beauty Wonkette joined countless other victims of this Winter From Hell (but with snow and ice) and went FLYING across a patch of ice at a higher speed than she has ever achieved running. "Ohhhhhh poor dear. You fell!" NOOOOOOOOO. Beauty Wonkette refused to suffer the indignity of falling, so she bravely flexed her wrist and extended her arm. Oh yes, no flopping around on the ground for her (i.e. ME). But, alas, although Beauty Wonkette kept her dignity intact and gracefully broke the fall, Beauty Wonkette dislocated her shoulder. OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! No, really...

Beauty Wonkette has a high threshold of pain. It never takes more than a couple of shots of really good tequila for Beauty Wonkette to march bravely into the waxing room for a full Brazilian. Oh, she winces a little. Ahem. But, she doesn't SCREAM. But, when Beauty Wonkette felt her shoulder separate and felt the (now out of the socket) bone hit the skin of her upper back, she did indeed SCREAM - just before passing out.

This led to a longer period of not being able to do a damn thing than Beauty Wonkette has ever experienced. EVER. There was no stress. Unfortunately, there was no anything. Hence the cravings for any kind of stress at all.

Bottom line: if you were wondering what the hell happened to Beauty Wonkette and why she wasn't posting, that's why. Bottom line postscript: do not try this at home.

Ciao, wonkettes!