I'll never complain about stress again!!!
Okay, that's a lie. I will. Complain. About stress, enlarged pores, bad hair days, carbohydrate overload, stupid people, crappy skincare products, my boss, Congress, the President.... BUT, after being forced to do NOTHING for a week, and then being on limited duty for two more weeks, your prima Beauty Wonkette is currently craving STRESS! The stress of my "real" job, the stress of my (new, but still a pain in the ass) inlaws, the stress of my crazy family (nah, they're not new), the stress of standing on line behind an idiot at the (fill in your favorite blank)bank, supermarket, Department of Motor Vehicles... ALL of it - ANY OF IT ! BEAUTY WONKETTE WANTS IT ! BRING IT ON BAYY BEEE !
Whew. I'm so glad I got THAT out of my system! If Beauty Wonkette sounds crazy (crazier?), she has good reason. A few weeks back, Beauty Wonkette joined countless other victims of this Winter From Hell (but with snow and ice) and went FLYING across a patch of ice at a higher speed than she has ever achieved running. "Ohhhhhh poor dear. You fell!" NOOOOOOOOO. Beauty Wonkette refused to suffer the indignity of falling, so she bravely flexed her wrist and extended her arm. Oh yes, no flopping around on the ground for her (i.e. ME). But, alas, although Beauty Wonkette kept her dignity intact and gracefully broke the fall, Beauty Wonkette dislocated her shoulder. OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! No, really...
Beauty Wonkette has a high threshold of pain. It never takes more than a couple of shots of really good tequila for Beauty Wonkette to march bravely into the waxing room for a full Brazilian. Oh, she winces a little. Ahem. But, she doesn't SCREAM. But, when Beauty Wonkette felt her shoulder separate and felt the (now out of the socket) bone hit the skin of her upper back, she did indeed SCREAM - just before passing out.
This led to a longer period of not being able to do a damn thing than Beauty Wonkette has ever experienced. EVER. There was no stress. Unfortunately, there was no anything. Hence the cravings for any kind of stress at all.
Bottom line: if you were wondering what the hell happened to Beauty Wonkette and why she wasn't posting, that's why. Bottom line postscript: do not try this at home.