FIRST: coochie cream on your face NOW: nipple cream on your lips

Remember when Beauty Wonkette turned you on to a $7 coochie cream to replace your Smashbox Photo Finish Primer (http://beautywonkette.blogspot.com/2009/02/coochie-cream-on-my-face.html)? Ah thee of little faith scoffed. But then you tried it? If you did, Beauty Wonkette bets you're still a devotee. Well, now that you've gotten used to slathering your face with coochie cream, it's time to perfect your pout with NIPPLE CREAM.

Chapped lips are a common winter plague, especially in colder climates. So, you lick 'em, pick 'em, slather 'em with pricey balms. Still no joy. Just when you were about to forever resign yourself to a cracked, flakey existence, Beauty Wonkette comes to the rescue! We present (drum roll pleez) an unexpected oasis in the form of Lansinoh ointment. Like Beauty Wonkette, you're wary of so-called miracle creams. You've been burned one too many times to let just any old balm into your heart. But trust us – this is the one.

Now before you get upset, let Beauty Wonkette warn you...this product is a little unorthodox. In fact, it may not be the first time it's touched your lips (ummmmm did you mama breatfeed you?)...it's actually meant to ease nipple irritation for breastfeeding mothers. That said, it wipes away any trace of dry skin in a matter of hours and it's made of 100% pure, all-natural lanolin (a waxy substance extracted from sheep's wool). You only need a teeny tiny dab every couple of days, so the 2 oz. bottle (coming in at a whopping $7.99, available at pretty much every drugstore) will last you a lifetime. We recommend applying it at night and then scrubbing dead skin off with a wet cloth the following morning.

Finally, you can say goodbye for good to rough, wrinkled lips and hello to a perfect pout! SMOOCH!

available for $7.99 at drugstore.com

You COULD go bare ;-) orrrr you can try this and save some $$$

Pretty soon, it will be sufficiently warm for Beauty Wonkette to slather her gams with the very best self tanner on the planet(more on this in another post) and go happily bare legged for a few months. Oh the joy of it. No more screaming at the pooch for pawing her legs and ripping, running, DESTROYING her hose. Why, with all the money Beauty Wonkette will save, she can already hear Jimmy Choo calling her name! Yes, Beauty Wonkette knows that hosiery isn't the kind of thing that's meant to last, but buying new pairs really does add up over time. The key to saving on hosiery is extending its life, and Beauty Wonkette has a few great ways you can achieve that.

Start with buying the right type. Steer clear of nylon, and go for pairs that are at least 15 percent Lycra or spandex -- they're the most durable.

Runs are the ultimate enemy when it comes to hosiery. Everyone knows the old clear nail polish trick, but that only keeps existing runs from getting worse. The best way to get the most out of your stockings is to prevent those pesky tears from happening. How do you do that? Try freezing your pantyhose. Beauty Wonkette knows it sounds weird, but it works - so STOP rolling your eyes!

Simply run your new hosiery under the faucet, place in a freezer bag and ... freeze! Freezing actually strengthens the fibers, allowing the material to last more than a couple of wears. After 24 hours, remove the pantyhose from the freezer and let it thaw naturally. With just a little bit of effort, they'll come out stronger.

Now that you know how to prolong the life of your hosiery, you can, in a way, get your damaged stockings to last, too. Instead of throwing them in the trash, donate them to a recycling program like the one No Nonsense has started. Your old pantyhose (of any color or brand) can be reused to make park benches, playground equipment, carpets, ropes and even toys. Talk about making your hosiery last for a lifetime! Hehe....

Drugstore Beauty - The Sequel

Dove Beauty Bar Nourishing Care Shea Butter
Bar soap devotees know that Dove Beauty Bars are the only way to go if you want to gently cleanse your skin. We love the Nourishing Care Shea Cream because it smells delish and is extra-hydrating, so it won't dry out your skin.
$11.99 for eight, available at Drugstore.com.

Eucerin Q10 Anti-Wrinkle Sensitive Skin Creme
The active ingredients in many age-fighters are effective, but they can irritate your skin to no end. This creamy anti-ager has coenzyme Q10 to help firm and vitamin E to protect, but lacks the harsh additives and fragrances that can cause redness and inflammation.
$10.85, available at Soap.com.

Nip + Fab Night Fix Intensive Anti-Aging Gel
This diffusion line of the much-loved U.K. brand Rodial features lots of covetable goodies, but this anti-aging night gel is our fave. It features retinol, rosehip oil, and hyaluronic acid to smooth skin overnight, so you wake up with a radiant, hydrated visage in the a.m.
$17.95, available at Target.

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Mineral Ultra Light Sunscreen Fluid SPF 50
Most natural sunscreens can be greasy or chalky on your skin, but this SPF moisturizer feels more like a veil than a mask. The lightweight fluid uses mineral sun filters to physically block out UV rays, protecting your skin from damage and premature aging. We love that it doesn't leave behind a white film or make your skin feel oily, a problem we've had with many of the sunscreens we've tried in the past.
$32.95, available at Ulta.

Vichy Aqualia AntiOx Anti-Fatigue Ice-Effect Eye Stick
This handy stick is an instant fix for tired, puffy eyes. It's infused with vitamins C and E, and has an immediate cooling effect that perks up your undereye area, minimizing dark circles and eradicating puffiness.
$29.50, available at Vichy

Beauty Wonkette is clearly on a frugalista roll, so stay tuned....

Bargain Bin Diving !

'Tis no secret that here at Beauty Wonkette, we love our fancy lotions and potions. But there are times (usually when we’re a week away from payday, our bank accounts are slim, and we just blew the last of our liquidity on those bee-yoo-tee-ful shoes) that we just can’t see shelling out major $$$ on beauty essentials. The good news? Beauty Wonkette is here to tell you that you don’t have to: There are gads of high-performance, low-cost beautifiers to be found at your local drugstore...if you know where to look. Fortunately, BW does! So, my lovelies, scrounge up the loose change in your sofa cushions and read on. The next few posts will reveal some of the best beauty products that (very little) money can buy ;-)...

Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser
The gold standard of sensitive-skin cleansers, this gentle wash gets rid of dirt, makeup, and oils without stripping your skin. It's also beloved by pretty much every dermatologist on the planet, and who are we to argue with them?
$9.19, available at Drugstore.com.

Clean & Clear Advantage Acne Spot Treatment
Strong enough to zap even the most monstrous of zits, yet gentle enough that it won't cause dryness and flaking, this clear gel features a potent percentage of salicylic acid that obliterates pimples large and small in as little as one day.
$6.99, available at Soap.com.

Weleda Skin Food
Never has a product name been more apt: This all-natural cream has extracts of pansy, chamomile, sweet almond oil, and calendula that "feed" your skin with vital nutrients to keep it looking great. Use it as a day or night cream to restore moisture and elasticity, on your hands and cuticles to cure dryness, on your lips to heal chapped pouts, and even on blemishes to help reduce redness and swelling. It's like the Swiss Army knife of skin care!
$18, available at Weleda.

Klorane Soothing Eye Make-Up Remover With Cornflower Water
Most makeup removers leave behind an annoying, greasy film that can be irritating on the eyes, especially if you wear contacts. This soothing lotion ditches the greasiness in favor of lightweight hydration that gently takes off even the toughest long-wear eyeliner without irritating your eyes. Cornflower extract helps to naturally soothe and reduce puffiness.
$11, available at Drugstore.com.

Smith's Rosebud Salve
This multi-purpose balm is one of the most ubiquitous beauty products out there – we've seen it in the bags of makeup artists, celebrities, editors, and in-the-know It Girls alike. That's because it's unmatched for curing chapped lips and dry skin. Not bad for six bucks!
$6, available at B-Glowing.

Boots No7 Total Renewal Micro-Dermabrasion Exfoliator
This exfoliator uses aluminum-oxide crystals, similar to those used in pro microdermabrasion treatments, to help eliminate dead skin cells, uncovering smoother, more radiant skin. It also helps even out your skin tone and minimize fine lines, with results visible in just four treatments.
$14.99, available at Target.

Running TO the Graveyard!!! MAC ATTACK MAC ATTACK MAC ATTACK !!!

No, my lovelies, Beauty Wonkette did NOT make one of her famous thaipos. She really did mean to type running TO the graveyard. Not to worry - Beauty Wonkette is way too sophisticated to have fallen into a Twilight swoon. Read on...

If you're a MAC fanatic (to be honest, Beauty Wonkette is not, nor was she ever, but everyone else seems to be), you know that the brand has achieved cult status not just for packing a pigment punch and weaving a spellbinding color story, but also for the ability to sell out limited-edition stock within mere hours of a launch.

Pretty cool we suppose...BUT also pretty frustrating if you miss out, eh? MAC giveth and MAC taketh away. Candy Yum-Yum, a fluorescent hot pink lipstick that terrified boyfriends everywhere but made countless chicas feel ridiculously bad-ass, disappeared from shelves so quickly that nobody could get a backup. And Moth Brown eyeshadow — the perfect neutral — is even a staple in Beauty Wonkettes makeup bag (but we're down to the dusty dregs). Evidently, you are not alone in your pleas to bring back your fave limited-edition shades, and fortunately, MAC has heard the cries, the weeping, the wailing, the angry grumbles of their obsessed beautyholic customers.

Their new online exclusive collection, MAC By Request, lets MAC Facebook fans vote among eighteen of their most clamored-for lipsticks, glosses, and eyeshadows until March 30. After that, three winning shades from each category will be brought back from the glamour graveyard. Don't see your favorite in the lineup? They invite you to start your own campaign by tweeting with the hashtag #MACBYREQUEST. The only thing that might urk you about this collection? It's limited edition! MAC sure has you on a short leash, my dear :-)

What limited-edition shade do you want to see back on shelves?

Warm weather updo numero dos!

Lulu Abroad's Flavia was kind enough to share this. Beauty Wonkette loves it. You will too ;-)

Warmer weather calls for an UPDO !

If you've ever spent a summer in NYC, you know that once the weather starts to warm up, you start thinking UPDO! At least, Beauty Wonkette sure does. No biggie, right? WRONG! You see, when Beauty Wonkette's tresses were down to her (rarely worn) bra strap, all manner of updo's were easy peasy. In fact, Beauty Wonkette didn't even need a mirror. But now that Beauty Wonkette is all grown up, she has "medium length" hair and things are no longer so simple.

Well, fortunately, one of my favorite blogging sisters, Lulu Abroad has posted a couple of cute styles for those of us who have gone all professional and stuff. Grin.

Memoirs of a Geisha Lead to Awesome Skin

Few women have captured the imagination like the Japanese icon of female beauty - the Geisha. Some three hundred years ago, the Geisha discovered that the papers artisans used to pound gold into wafer-thin flakes were the perfect texture to absorb excess oil from the skin without causing overdrying. These women, whose job it was to wear heavy makeup on a daily basis, were able to preserve their flawless complexions by blotting the skin first thing in the morning and after washing their faces in the evening, as well as throughout the day.

Fast forward to about three years ago. That was when Beauty Wonkette first discovered Victoria Tsai's Tatcha blotting papers. It didn't take Beauty Wonkette long to realize that these blotting papers effectively performed the task of at least 6 messy and inconvenient beauty products taking up space in the bottomless pit otherwise known as Beauty Wonkette's purse.

If Victoria Tsai never came out with another product, those blotting papers would be sufficient to earn her the undying gratitude of a vast multitude of especially urban dwelling women. Fortunately for us, however, the discovery of this Geisha beauty secret was just the beginning of the journey for Tsai.

As the story goes, she eventually came upon a 200-year-old book from Japan, the oldest of its kind, said to contain never-before-seen details of the heavily guarded beauty rituals of the geisha. She also managed a rare opportunity to meet with a real geisha girl (with skin so flawless, it reportedly brought Tsai to tears). Knowing she was on to something, she enlisted scholars to translate the text and met with scientists who helped her formulate a base recipe of green tea, Okinawa red algae, and rice bran. The result: a skin care collection spanning camellia cleansing oil, exfoliating enzyme powders, licorice-rich brightening serum, and a silky moisturizer.

Withing a few weeks of the launch of these remarkable products, makeup artists, stylists, and beauty editors all over the country have worked themselves into a frenzy over Tatcha products.

The line features full beauty rituals for dry, normal, combination and oily skin. In addition to the blotting papers (which have nothing less than a cult following), Beauty Wonkette is loving the Polished Deep Rice Enzyme Powder.

The Tatcha site lists the benefits of the product as follows:

What it is:
A water-activated enzyme powder of rice bran, papaya + HADASEI-3 Bioactive Complex. Reveals skin's natural gleam.

Why it's different:
Exfoliates without harsh abrasives for effortless baby-soft skin.

Who it's for:
Created with Dokudami to help clarify active skin. Non-irritating. Non-sensitizing. Dermatologist tested.

It's formulated without: Mineral Oil, Synthetic fragrances, Sulfate Detergents, Parabens, PEGs, PPGs, Urea, DEA, TEA or Phthalates but does contain a panoply of impressive actives, including Oryza Sativa (Rice) Bran, Papain (Papaya Extract), Algae Extract, Camellia Sinensis (Green Tea) Leaf Extract, Houttuynia Cordata Extract (Dokudami).

check the line out for yourself at tatcha.com

Oil and Water Mix and Produce Luscious Locks

Beauty Wonkette (who has oily Mediterranean skin btw) was totally won over to oils when it comes to facial cleansing a long, long time ago - first with the standard OCM, then with Go Bare Skincare's absolutely addictive Deep Cleansing Oil. Oh, it took awhile to convince me, but the disappearance of what were previously crater-like pores (ok, perhaps BW is exaggerating; they were merely Philly potholes, not craters)helped quite the conversion. Oils definitely have made my skin less oily, not more so. Which might sound a little strange. But Beauty Wonkette is in good company!

Back in the late fifties, the brilliant makeup artist Shu Uemura developed his cleansing oil. At the same time, he made a revolutionary statement: “Oil removes oil.” Hmm…sounds crazy, but it’s logical – oil plus oil negates itself? But, even though Beauty Wonkette had become a total convert to the idea of using oil blends to cleanse her puss, the prospect of washing her hair with a product packed full of oils sounded, well, SKEERY. However, for the sake of Beauty Wonkettes the world over, she made herself a guinea pig. Beauty Wonkette is so glad she did, too.

Shu Uemura’s new Cleansing Oil shampoo (full of enticing oils like jasmine, musk rose, argan, camellia, along with black cumin and depsea water) resembles body oil in the container, but dispense it (BW loves love the easy pump) and it turns into a rich, richer, and richer still lather. Your hair is left as clean as can be, but without that stripped down, overly clean feeling that lets you know your hair isn’t quite in its natural state. Softness, volume, and moisture all the way. Delish.

There is but one problem. Sigh. 13.4 oz of this golden elixir will run you $55. Drat! Luxury just doesn't come cheap.

At Shu Uemura for $55.

A Whole New Way to Get Naked !

Beauty Wonkette has vivid memories of what happened when Urban Decay first released its Naked Palette two years ago: people lost their damn minds! The 12-shade eyeshadow palette was the brand's take on the neutral look and quickly became the subject of tons of tweets, innumerable video tutorials, and a raging resale business on eBay. People looking to purchase could be found weeping piteously when they learned that yet another store had sold out. Beauty addicts everywhere were put on mile-long waiting lists. Well, my lovelies, the frenzy has started all over again since the December launch of the most anticipated sequel of the decade - Naked2.

The new collection of nudes centers around a taupe color palette, in contrast to the original's bronze tones. Naked2 has 12 pigment-rich, taupe and greige neutral eyeshadows, including FIVE NEW shades. Beauty Wonkette has to agree that the new palette proves once again that neutral is anything but boring(and is downright sexy when worn Naked).

Go ahead and see if you can resist after you have feasted your eyes on shades ranging from pale to deep, matte to sparkly. This collection lets you achieve lots of neutral looks, smoky dramatic eyes, and everything in between. Let's just say there's a whole new way to get NAKED (hehe)!

The case has an art-school inspired look with hinged lid - taupe metal with embossed chocolate brown artwork. It's smooth, modern and cool to the touch - a real tactile experience. If you still aren't seduced, note that the palette also features a travel-size Lip Junkie Lipgloss in Naked, AND a double-ended, cruelty-free Good Karma Shadow/Crease Brush (available only in this palette). http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Heads up Beauty Wonkettes! If you want to get your nude on, you better move quickly: Naked2's first shipment and second shipments sold out instantly, but the third shipment has arrived. If you're something of a nudist(Beauty Wonkette most definitely is), grab one now before you miss out!

Urban Decay Naked2 Palette, $50, available at Urban Decay.

Sunday's best?

Any Beauty Wonkette worth her salt has gleaned tips on love, beauty, style, and, of course, cooking (Nonna’s meatball recipe!) from previous generations. The real trick is to take that generational knowledge and combine it with the most advanced developments in beauty science, don't ya think? Well, it's looking like beauty world newbie and Texas native Sunday Riley has succeeded in doing just that.

Marrying botanicals and biochemistry, Sunday Riley has launched a skincare line that is intended to heal, detoxify and recharge the skin.What she's done is launch a skincare line based on a very happy marriage of botanicals and biochemistry whose aim is to heal, detoxify, and recharge the skin.

Beauty Wonkette has heard an awful lot of buzz about the line. Upon returning to the U.S., one of Beauty Wonkette's first stops was Barneys (of course) where she got a chance to check the line out alive and in person. Further research (hey you read this stuff because BW is, afterall, a WONKette) revealed that the line was born out of Sunday’s own severe hyper pigmentation and her need to find a solution. When she couldn’t find anything that would solve her concerns, she drew upon her own knowledge about healing botanicals learned from her grandmother and modern science. The end result: an anti-aging line that claims to rejuvenate and refresh skin.

There are seven signature products: Good Genes Treatments, Skin Adrenaline, Cashmere SPF 30 Sun Defense, Bionic Anti-Aging Cream, Start Over Eye Cream, Disrobe, and Liquid Diet Water Weight Loss Body Treatment.

Each product is based on a NV-5 Ageless Complex that consists of a proprietary blend of 5 Native American botanicals. What are they you ask? Well, Beauty Wonkette HAD to know too. As it turns out, NV-5 Ageless Complex is comprised of Blue Agave, Biofermented Aloe and Yeast Extract, Lady’s Slipper Orchid, Prickly Pear Cactus and Queen of the Night Cactus. The formula was designed to fight cellular inflammation and detoxify the skin for long lasting radiance.

There is no question that the line is enticing in every way. The question is does it work?

Beauty Wonkette wanted to try EVERYTHING, but since all the travel, strange water elements, and just general stress has left BW with body skin like a lizard, the first product she tried was Disrobe, which is hydrating body lotion that also helps tone and firms skin.

It claims to get rid of skin “crepiness,” provide UV protection and purify by eradicating toxins. First, BW loves the sleek and simple packaging, as well as the clever name. Pump out the white opaque lotion and apply to skin; you’ll immediately feel a tingly cool sensation. You also definitely feel like your skin is getting a nice dose of moisturization. Touch your skin and it will feel soft and supple! We’ve been applying this to our legs and thighs after showers; after three weeks, we definitely notice that overall, they look better toned and softer with daily use. If you can splurge on a $65 lotion, this stuff is DEFINITELY worth trying.

The second product Beauty Wonkette tried was Liquid Diet. BW never had much of problem with water retention, but spending hours and hours in the yucky environs of big, transcontinental airflights took care of that! Ugh.

Oh BW was skeptical. VERY skeptical. Sunday Riley says Liquid Diet's purpose is

to temporarily drain excess fluid, providing a more refined silhouette A clever beauty tool that reduces fluid retention wherever and whenever you need it. Helps Temporarily Flatten the Stomach. A Must-Have for swimsuit season, a big night out, or anytime your favorite jeans feel a little tight. Great for Depuffing tired Feet, and Reducing Water Retention from Hips and Thighs. Instant Relief, Stronger Effects noticeable within a Few Hours.

Does it work? Uhhhhhhh YEAH! Beauty Wonkette suspects it has alot to do with all the caffeine in it, but this stuff most definitely has an uber quick, albeit temporary, slimming and toning effect. Is that worth $105 to you? It certainly is to BW !

Beauty Wonkette rarely finds body products that she's willing to shell out big bucks for, but these two items now have a permanent place in her dressing room. BW is also VERY anxious to try some of Sunday Riley's face products. She promises to report back when she does. For now, the line is available on Sunday Riley's website and, exclusively, at Barneys NY.

I'M BACK!

Did ya miss me? Errr wait. DON'T ANSWER THAT! I suspect that not everyone was as patient as you were when I was on my bloggy break, but I promise to be the best Beauty Wonkette I can be as a way to say thank you if you stuck around and, yes, to rebuild a readership.

I was soooo naive to think I could continue to blog during an overseas posting. Duh. Not all countries have the kind of internet access that we have here. Duh duh.

Anyway....

I DO have lots of great stuff to tell you about; much of it learned abroad. So, my fellow Beauty Wonkettes, DO stay tuned.....