FIRST: coochie cream on your face NOW: nipple cream on your lips

Remember when Beauty Wonkette turned you on to a $7 coochie cream to replace your Smashbox Photo Finish Primer ( Ah thee of little faith scoffed. But then you tried it? If you did, Beauty Wonkette bets you're still a devotee. Well, now that you've gotten used to slathering your face with coochie cream, it's time to perfect your pout with NIPPLE CREAM.

Chapped lips are a common winter plague, especially in colder climates. So, you lick 'em, pick 'em, slather 'em with pricey balms. Still no joy. Just when you were about to forever resign yourself to a cracked, flakey existence, Beauty Wonkette comes to the rescue! We present (drum roll pleez) an unexpected oasis in the form of Lansinoh ointment. Like Beauty Wonkette, you're wary of so-called miracle creams. You've been burned one too many times to let just any old balm into your heart. But trust us – this is the one.

Now before you get upset, let Beauty Wonkette warn you...this product is a little unorthodox. In fact, it may not be the first time it's touched your lips (ummmmm did you mama breatfeed you?)'s actually meant to ease nipple irritation for breastfeeding mothers. That said, it wipes away any trace of dry skin in a matter of hours and it's made of 100% pure, all-natural lanolin (a waxy substance extracted from sheep's wool). You only need a teeny tiny dab every couple of days, so the 2 oz. bottle (coming in at a whopping $7.99, available at pretty much every drugstore) will last you a lifetime. We recommend applying it at night and then scrubbing dead skin off with a wet cloth the following morning.

Finally, you can say goodbye for good to rough, wrinkled lips and hello to a perfect pout! SMOOCH!

available for $7.99 at


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